There was a time in my life when someone trying to humiliate me via a public platform like social media would have made my head turn in 360 degree spins as I retaliate via my own verbal onslaught of expletives and clever jabs meant to silence my opponent once and for all. (In other words, your girl did not play that. I would go from “keeping it cute” to “keeping it ratchet” real quick). If you scroll back far enough, you can get glimpses of my once-toxic reactions to any negative word or deed. Lately though, I cannot say that I have the time.
One of my top priorities in life (probably second only to growing in Christ) is making my husband proud of me. I love the way he looks at me. I love that he cherishes me and thinks highly of me. I know these things to be true because he tells me and proves it continuously. When someone attacks my character, persona, intelligence, looks, whatever – my response to them is constrained by two things, my love for God and my love for my husband.
My love for God requires me to respond in a way that will make my Heavenly Father proud. Whether that is speaking the truth to dispel their lies, or learning to turn the other cheek, or doling out the same measure of grace that I pray for myself when I go to God, I try to be Spirit-led in my reaction. Many times though, I go to God after the precursory “OH HECKS NAW” moment has already transpired in private (lol). I then pray for the grace that is necessary to be gracious in my reaction and ask the Lord to guide me.
Secondly, I think about how the incident could affect my husband, not just in the privacy of our home but in the public eye. I do not know when I learned the following verse but I have always had it in the back of my mind when it comes to how my actions may affect my husband.
“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” -Proverbs 31:23
My hunny is a private person by nature. More often than not, before I post about matters that are sensitive to our lives, I get his okay. So it is no surprise that I always think about how my actions and reactions to others will affect him publicly. Anyone who knows my husband has only amazing things to say about him. He is just a genuinely wonderful person. I would never want anyone to look at him negatively because of my role in his life. Therefore, when someone grinds my gears enough to extract a reaction out of me, I consider my husband in my response. Will giving this person a piece of my mind strain valuable ties between them and my spouse? If my response became public knowledge, would my husband be embarrassed?
If the answer to either one of those questions is yes, I bite my tongue (hard, if I have to) and thread carefully, sometimes delaying response until the beau and I have sat down to hash it out.
Over the years, I have developed the habit of taking stock of my growth on a regular basis. A regularly scheduled character evaluation of sorts. I rejoice in my growth, take stock of my weaknesses and make note of the issues that seem to be recurring and commit to getting the help I need to overcome them. One of the areas that I am still growing in is maintaining quality friendships or more specifically – being okay with one-time friends becoming anything less (sometimes strangers, sometimes distant associations). Those whose rejection once stung me to my core have it harder in my heart for me to overlook or forgive their shortcomings.
I know the need to forgive past hurts and by grace I am able to practice that (sometimes kicking and screaming). The difficulty arises for me when these forgiven folks show their humanity once again and I glimpse their own areas of weaknesses. Oh, the shade I want to throw! The quickness with which I want to scream “See? You were throwing me under the bus this whole time when you have your mess too!” Because I am no longer a single woman, my associations are no longer independent of my husband. If I have a friend, then we have a friend. Maybe that is why it irks me to my soul when I lose a friend yet they do not disappear from my husband’s life. My response to folks in this category now goes back to the aforementioned process - I must honor Christ and I must honor my husband.
If for any reason my husband needs to retain those ties that have been cut on my end, I have to learn to be gracious in my interactions.
“She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” – Proverbs 31:12
DISCLAMIER: THIS POST WAS NOT WRITE BY ME. THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY http://naijabeauty.wordpress.com/
You can find more of her work by clicking on the link or following her via twitter @attorney_of_luv [I loved her post so much I had to share. This is my truth and there is one word I would change that she wrote. Sometimes we have to focus on the bigger picture instead of the temporary anger].